A nightmare on my birthday
by Hermina05
Summary: Just a one-shot on the day of Kuon's birthday. Not what you'd expect. There was an accident on Kuon's special day...


**A nightmare on my birthday**

Today was my 25th birthday and he wasn't here. Even though he promised to bring me a huge cake and make me my favorite dishes he wasn't here.

It took us quite a while to get together and that was both our fault and our time together turned out to be so short.

If only I knew that he would leave so soon… I would have loved him more… I would have told him how much I loved him every day… I would have held him close all the time.

Nanao-san was supposed to be here by now because it was late in the evening. We would be sitting together at the table after the candle light dinner and he would have that mischievous smile on his face that suggested some cosplay and an amazing night.

But he was not here to do that. Nanao-san died today when he was hit by a drunk driver. I couldn't save him… I was there but I still couldn't save him. The only thing I could do was watch as the life slowly faded from his eyes even though he tried hard not to fall asleep.

I held him in my arms as we waited for the damn ambulance to finally get there because I knew everything would be fine as soon as he got to the hospital.

I was wrong. They took him to the hospital and locked me out of his room because I wasn't family. When finally I could enter the room and saw him on the bed with all the machines keeping him alive and he looked so frail, so broken I could barely keep from crying.

This was supposed to be a good day. We were shopping for dinner and the next second I'm at the hospital watching him struggle for air, trying to stay alive.

I went to the bed and held his hand but he didn't squeeze it. The doctor said that he broke his neck and was paralyzed. But that's not all he told me. He said that Nanao won't make it through this day.

My playful, energetic and oh so lovable Nanao-san was lying in a bed he won't get out of. He didn't open his eyes, nor did he smile at me. He just laid there unmoving.

I leaned closer, my eyes never leaving his face in case he opened his eyes. Suddenly the machines in the room started making noises and doctors and nurses ran inside and I was pushed aside.

They put a tube down Nanao-san's throat to help him breathe and left but Nanao didn't open his eyes or squeeze my hand when I sat back next to him.

He just lay there motionless while the machines pumped air into his lungs and the beeping of the heart monitor told me that he was still with me.

I wanted to talk to him… tell him a lot of things but I didn't know how to start… where to start. So I just sat there and kept repeating,

"Please don't leave me… please don't leave me… please… please… don't…"

The doctor came back and told me that he can't hear me anymore. We are only waiting for his heart to stop beating because there is nothing else anyone can do for him.

So I sat there and listened to the heart monitor and prayed for a miracle. Because miracles always happen so why couldn't it happen to us? Why couldn't it help my Nanao-san back to me? I just sat there and prayed for whatever entity would listen to my request.

The morning slowly turned into afternoon and I didn't even notice when Nanao-san's siblings appeared in the room. I noticed them crying at the wall when suddenly the monitors went crazy and the doctors ran back inside.

The tube that was in Nanao-san's was bloody. He was coughing up blood. My heart was breaking at the sight. He was holding on against all odds. He was holding on to life while suffering.

When they stabilized him I walked back to Nanao and told him everything I've always wanted.

"I love you, Nanao-san. You're my life and every minute I spent with you was like a miracle to me. You made me happier with just being with me than anyone else ever could. I'm really thankful for the time we spent together because that was the best time of my life. I always knew that you loved me too…"

I didn't want to say anymore, but I knew that I needed to. He had to know. I had to say it in case he could hear me because that was the only thing I could do for him.

I held his hand in my left and with the other I stroking his face. I could almost see that smiled that always graced his features when I did that but it was only my imagination.

"I know it hurts… you're in pain…" My tears started falling but I willed my voice to be calm and strong. "I love you… and I know you love me… but you can let go now…"

That was the hardest thing I had to do in my life and he seemed to understand it as the beeping of the monitor started to slow down while I stroked his cheeks.

I couldn't look away or let go. I just watched through my tears as his life slipped away with every beat of his heart and soon the beeping stopped and I knew.

Nanao-san was no longer with me.

I stayed there for a long time barely registering anything around me. The machines were switched off and the Shirahanes disappeared from the room.

I just sat there, holding his hand and stroking his face while murmuring 'I love you' over and over again to him as my tears kept falling.

Soon he turned cold… uncharacteristically cold for someone as warm as Nanao-san.

But then the doctor came in and they took him away and I walked home. No, not home. That apartment wasn't a home without Nanao-san in it. It was just a room with a lot of memories.

I sat at the table and eyed the small gift Nanao-san left me for the evening. I wasn't supposed to open it until after dinner.

Hours went by and I just sat there. I wasn't crying because it felt so unreal. I was waiting for Nanao-san to walk through the door and laugh at me. Or maybe I was waiting for something to wake me up from this nightmare to find myself in our bed next to Nanao-san but nothing happened.

I just watched the small present as the minutes, hours passed by. My mind couldn't process what had happened.

He was just with me this morning. We were making breakfast, planning this evening and he was laughing and hugging and kissing me… and now… I can't even remember how that felt.

Suddenly the picture of him lying on the hospital bed fleshed before my eyes and all my other memories of Nanao-san disappeared from my mind. I still couldn't believe it to be real, but the image wouldn't go away.

To get it out of my head, I reached for the small present and opened it.

There was a small silver ring in it and a note. I took them out and started reading.

 _Dear Aikawa,_

 _I know you said 'I don't want any presents just a nice meal' but I couldn't not get you anything. This is just a small ring that shows you are mine and I am yours. Of course I have the other one just like yours. I really hope you'll wear it for me._

 _I love you._

 _Happy Birthday._

 _Nanao_

That letter was enough to make me cry. I put on the ring and stared at the sentence I wanted to hear the most now. 'I love you.'

I could almost hear him say it and his smiling face appeared in my mind but was quickly changed to the scene in the hospital.

I left the room and went to bed without getting the bloody and dirty clothes off. I just squeezed his pillow and let his scent carry me into sleep hoping that when I wake up the next day, he'll be right next to me. The in the morning I'll realize that all of this was just a bad dream.

My dreams were restless. I kept reliving the accident and every time I just stood there and didn't do anything to save him.

When I woke up in the morning I searched frantically for Nanao-san and kept yelling his name to come back to the room. I had a really bad dream of him dying and I wanted to feel him close.

I noticed that I was squeezing his pillow and saw a ring similar to my on his bedside table and realized that my nightmare was reality and I would never see Nanao-san's smiling face again.

I broke down and cried like never before as it finally struck me. Nanao-san was dead… he was not coming back home…

The nightmare on my birthday was the cruel reality…


End file.
